There's this boy and he's got me going insane
He gives me that on special feeling
A feeling I'm unable to explain
I declared my heart: his for the stealing
He told me I was his one special girl
And that no one could ever compare
I was elated, for he made my heart whirl
I needed this boy like I needed my air
The only guy able to give me that feeling
The one no amount of words could ever describe
He could make my heart jump to the ceiling
I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed
I thought he was my only special guy
Turns out he was just a cheat and a lie
In a nutshell, my sonnet is about an ex boyfriend that let me believe that he was the one and that we made for each other. He had me going crazy:
“There's this boy and he's got me going insane”
“I was elated, for he made my heart whirl”
“He could make my heart jump to the ceiling
I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed”
I wrote this sonnet though to make it known that guys will do this sort of thing all the time, and sometimes you may be deceived, but you also need to keep an eye out. Don’t be fooled by the sweet talk, because they will tell you what you want to hear.
“He told me I was his only special girl and that no one could ever compare”
That’s only the beginning of what he told me. And with that, he made me think that I was special, and me being a typical girl fell for it and got attached:
“I needed this boy like I needed my air”
My sonnet goes from present to past because that’s how quickly things seemed to change over time. I decided to do that because one minute I was so happy and infatuated but the next minute, it all seemed to be in the past. I start by saying how lovesick I was for this boy, but just two lines later I come to my realization about the lies and cheating:
“I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed
I thought he was my only special guy
Turns out he was just a cheat and a lie”
This was by far one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had to live through, but in a way I’m really greatful for it now because now I know not to let my heart take over my mind. My mind needs to make the calls sometimes. I wanted to write this because it shows how infatuated I was with him and it shows how attached I got, but my twist at the end showed his true colors. Also because I wanted to show the guys that they shouldn’t do things like this because it does have consequences; And show the girls that things aren't always as good as they seem to be, so you need to watch out for yourself. That is where I went wrong, I wasn’t looking out for myself and I was just thinking about what I wanted not what I needed. I wish I had seen it, but then again, I’m glad because this sonnet helped me put my life into perspective It made me realize that I fell so hard for him but the feelings weren’t mutual. This boy had different intentions, and falling in love was not what he had hoped for. I’m not exactly sure of what he wanted, but when he didn’t get it, he turned to cheating.
When someone cheats on you, you get down on yourself and feel as if it was your fault. But what you need to know is that it’s not your fault, it’s nothing against you, you just chose the wrong person to fall for.
2 comments:
pretty sucky situation kera. I tghink you can narrow your views on uir lines and specificaly talk about certain lines. overall it makes me feel the situation u were in. must hgave suck
Sonnet of the Cheater (Is that your title? Maybe it can be only “The Cheater”)
There's this boy and he's got me going insane
He gives me that on special feeling
A feeling I'm unable to explain
I declared my heart: his for the stealing
He told me I was his one special girl
And that no one could ever compare
I was elated, for he made my heart whirl
I needed this boy like I needed my air
The only guy able to give me that feeling
The one no amount of words could ever describe
He could make my heart jump to the ceiling
I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed
I thought he was my only special guy
Turns out he was just a cheat and a lie
Need an into: The following paragraph is almost an intro, but you also start analyzing your sonnet. We need a bit of background information. You can say that you once had a boyfriend, who you thought was “The One.” Then one day you saw him or heard he was cheating on you. Tell how that felt. You wanted to write this sonnet because you wanted to advise guys not to treat girls like trash and warn girls not to get too rushed into the moment and assume he’s “The One” Immediately.
In a nutshell, (Why do you say “in a nutshell”? If it is your new title then it should be in italics. If not you should start with the title. Ex: Sonnet of the Cheater is about…) my sonnet is about an (yours or just an ex) ex boyfriend that let me believe that he was the one and that we made for each other.
New Paragraph: My ex-boyfriend made me feel when we first got together:
He had me going crazy:
“There's this boy and he's got me going insane”
“I was elated, for he made my heart whirl”
“He could make my heart jump to the ceiling
I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed”
He made me crazy. Then say how he made you crazy: sweet talk, smooth moves, etc.
I wrote this sonnet as though to make it known that guys will do this sort of thing all the time, and sometimes you may be deceived, but you also need to keep an eye out. This sounds a bit informal as if you were talking with one of your friends. You should say something like: “In this sonnet, I wanted to give the image that I’m always treated the same. All of my guys are sweet, but sometimes may deceive you and you need to keep an eye out.” Don’t be fooled by the sweet talk, because they will only tell you what you want to hear. I shouldn’t have fallen for him because he only wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear.
“He told me I was his only special girl and that no one could ever compare”
That’s only the beginning of what he told me. And with that, he made me think that I was special, and me, being a typical girl, fell for it and got attached He made me feel special. I was a typical girl and I fell for him and got attached as if:
“I needed this boy like I needed my air” When I was with him I felt he was “The only guy able to give me that feeling, the one no amount of words could ever describe. He could make my heart jump to the ceiling.” (If you can’t describe him like you say then there’s nothing else to say.)
My sonnet goes from present to past tense because that’s how quickly things seemed to change over time the relationship changed over time. I decided to do that because one minute I was so happy and infatuated but the next minute, it all seemed to be in the past. I start by saying how In the beginning I was lovesick I was for this boy, but just two lines later I come to my realization about the lies and cheating realized he cheated and lied:
“I was lovesick, and no medicine could be prescribed
I thought he was my only special guy
Turns out he was just a cheat and a lie” This is a great idea about how “love” comes and goes by so quickly. Maybe you can expand on this. For example: What I thought was true love gone by so fast. It wasn’t love at all, only an illusion.
This was by far one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had to live through, but in a way I’m really greatful grateful for it now because now I know not to let my heart take over my mind. Finding out I was cheated on was one of the worst experiences of my life. However, now I’m grateful because I learn from my mistake. Don’t let my heart always blind my mind. My mind needs to make the calls sometimes. (I like how this kind of rhymes.) I wanted to write this because it shows how infatuated I was with him and it shows how attached I got, but my twist at the end showed his true colors. Also because I wanted to show the guys that they shouldn’t do things like this because it does have consequences; And show the girls that things aren't always as good as they seem to be, so you need to watch out for yourself. That is where I went wrong, I wasn’t looking out for myself and I was just thinking about what I wanted, not what I needed. I wish I had seen it (Is “it” = the cheater?), but then again, I’m glad because I’m glad to write this sonnet (I think you’re trying to say that you let your feelings go and writing this sonnet helped you get over the guy. You realized how wrong you were.) helped me put my life into perspective It made me realize that I fell so hard for him but the feelings weren’t mutual. This boy had different intentions, and falling in love was not what he had hoped for. I’m not exactly sure of what he wanted, but when he didn’t get it, he cheated on me. (Why didn’t he just break up with you?) turned to cheating.
When someone cheats on you, you get down on yourself and feel as if it was your fault. But what you need to know is that it’s not your fault, it’s There was nothing against wrong with you, you just chose the wrong person to fall for.
Your ideas are great! However, some sentences are run-ons because that is how you talk. The tone of the analysis is very informal. What needs to be done is:
1. Expand on your ideas because I know there’s a lot more you can say.
2. You can talk more about your cheater in the beginning as an introduction. You just give a few sentences letting us know you did experience this once, but need to make it known from the start.
3. Sentences need to be fixed so it’s more formal. You can take out a lot of words because they are not needed.
Otherwise, I’m really sorry that you had that kind of relationship with someone. I hope you’re doing great. Well, you sound like a tough girl and I’m glad you got your feelings out and you wrote a great sonnet!
Grade:
20 Message
17 Clarity
15 Word Choice
15 Fluency
20 Voice
Total: 87
Bold is comments and changes like what to add in. Italics are crossed out, they’re highlighted in the attachment.
Ms. Shigemitsu, the bold, italics, and different fonts didn't come out.
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